"Can I open my eyes yeeeet?" Buffy said as walked along with Angel.
Angel stopped walking and turned around. He tightened the blindfold a little.
"Ow!" Buffy objected half-heartedly, "that hurt."
"Oh, quit your whining, Summers", Angel said as he placed a kiss to her lips.
Buffy kissed back and reached up to pull him forward. When her hand got there, however, Angel was gone.
"Angel!" She complained. Where had his lips gone? Where had HE gone? And most importantly, where had his lips gone?
Buffy felt around for her boyfriend. "Where are you?" She asked the air. She stumbled around a little with her hands held out in front of her face. Suddenly, her hands came in contact with something hard and warm. She smiled as the warm body brought her hands up to its neck. "You know, my Giles always said never kiss strangers."
Angel smiled and bent down to kiss her earlobe. "Your Giles was right."
Buffy shivered involuntarily from the hiss of his voice against her ear. She giggled a little. "Angel, come on, this is getting old. I'm not a bondage girl anyway."
Angel smiled at that thought then he quickly pushed it away. "She's not like that, he thought. He smirked. Yet."
"Angel" Buffy whined. "If you don't take this off soon"
"Okay, okay, geez you baby", Angel said as he reached around and untied it.
"That's not very nice, Buffy said. "Besides, you love me."
Angel couldnt help but smile. "You're right. I do."
When Buffy pulled off the blindfold, she was greeted by the most beautiful thing ever.
Buffy smiled back and quickly leaned in and gave him a kiss.
"What was that for?" Angel asked.
"No reason", Buffy answered.
"Yet" Angel said.
Buffy gave him a questioning look.
Angel moved out of the way. What Buffy saw nearly reduced her to tears.
She was standing in the park in some secluded area she had never been to. A picnic table covered with the traditional red-checkered tablecloth was covered in small votive candles. The white ones were vanilla and the red ones were rose. Her favorites. She moved closer to the table and examined it. The candles flickered gently in the cool night air, and a CD player sat on the tabletop playing a sweet R&B song. The table had two white plates and two wine glasses. The silver utensils gleamed in the moonlight, and a picnic basket filled to the brim with fruit, spaghetti, and homemade rolls sat on the seat. To top it off, a dozen bright red roses sat in the middle of the table, and white rose petals that gave off their own fragrant smell in the warm spring air lead their way from where she stood, to a clearing just a few steps away from the picnic table. The clearing was surrounded by, literally, hundreds of white, glass encased pillar candles. The circle was a closed space, thanks to the weeping willows that surrounded it. The only opening was from straight up, where the full moon and bright stars shone sweetly in the night sky.
All in all, Buffy was speechless.
"Do you um, do you like it?" Angel asked timidly.
" I-I-I I've never seen anything so beautiful", Buffy said breathlessly.
"It's all yours", Angel replied as he extended his hand.
Buffy smiled so brightly, that the moon didnt even compare. She accepted the hand and he led them over to the picnic table.
"I made some spaghetti and I brought fruit and whipped cream "Angel said. He looked up at Buffy for she was being quite silent.
When he looked up at Buffy, he saw tears running down her face.
Angel's brow grew tight in concern. "Buffy, whats wrong?"
Buffy didn't answer; she just pulled Angel into a sweet, long kiss.
"Angelus Daniels I love you", she said as she pulled away slowly.
Angel felt tears form in his eyes. He quickly blinked them back. He flipped a button on the stereo and offered his hand again.
"Would you dance with me?" He asked.
Buffy wiped the tears away from her face. "Forever"
Angel smiled. "I was thinking maybe for the next couple of songs, but forever works for me too", he said.
Buffy smiled. Her heart was dancing inside her chest. She could feel her palms get suddenly sweaty, and her knees get weak. It was as if she had never dated before. She looked Angel over. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a black sweater. His hair was as always, and his eye sGod, those eyes they reflected not only the moon and every star up in the sky, but every emotion as well. "His eyes are the mirrors to his soul", Buffy thought.
Angel felt his palms get sweaty, and his heart begin racing. He had never seen her look more beautiful. She had on a silky cream-colored dress that barely covered her thighs, and had a plunging neckline. There were no sleeves, so her tan arms were bared to his sight. Her hair was pulled up into a claw, and she wore no make up. Rose scented perfume wafted gently off her skin. "She's exquisite", Angel thought as he pulled her nearer.
As the song played, Angel and Buffy became entranced by each others presence. They danced together in the warm night air with no one else around. The slow blusy song infused the night, and seemed to bring them to their peaceful stage.
Many times Ive been told that I should go
But they dont know
What weve got baby
They may not see the love in you
But love, I do
And Ill stay right here
Sweet sweet baby
Life is crazy
But theres one thing I am sure of
Im your lady
And I love you now and ever.
Buffy listened to the steady beating of Ange'ls heart. She was trying to think up a word that described tonight. The closest she came was perfect, but the word paled in comparison to how incredibly complete she felt tonight. She felt so safe in his strong arms. Nothing could bother them here. Nothing.
The song soon ended, but neither of them pulled away. Angel inhaled the scent of her skin and sighed. Nothing as wrong and sinister as Roman could be living in a world with Buffy Summers in it. There was no easy way to describe how she made him feel. Complete, whole, total these words didnt even come close. She made him feel things he hadnt experienced for a long time. She challenged his mind, and she made him laugh. She always seemed to make everything better. There was no way to describe it in one word. Perfect was just too inadequate.
The next song that came on was from Moulin Rouge. Angel hated to admit it, but the song really made him think about he and Buffy.
Never knew I could feel like this
Like Ive never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change
Winter to spring
But I love you, until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you, until my dying day
Suddenly the world, seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesnt seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And theres no mountain to high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and Ill be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide
But I love you, until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you, until my dying day
Buffy glanced up at the stars. The whole world seemed to stop. The only thing that moved besides them was the gentle breeze. She listened to the song lyrics and realized they were from Moulin Rouge. She had to giggle at the thought of Angel actually liking the song.
"What?" Angel asked softly.
"Nothing", Buffy said as she rested her head back on Angel's broad chest.
Angel listened as the song came to a strong end and the next song began to play. This was his favorite song. He remembered hearing this song on a Disney movie once, and it stuck with him. Yes, it was pathetic, but it wasnt his fault Spike was a Disney fanatic and just happened to share a room with him.
If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be
And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me
In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes
Angel held Buffy even tightly and began humming the song as he rested his chin on Buffy head. This was the only place he ever felt truly safe and comfortable. Buffy's arms.
And Im so grateful to you
Id have lived my whole life through
Lost forever, if I never knew you
If I never knew you, Id be safe, but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever, if I never knew you
Buffy felt her eyes start to moisten as she listened to the words of the song.
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we made the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All theyd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is singing we were right
Theres no moment I regret
Since the moment that we met
If our time as gone too fast
Ive lived at last
I thought out love would be so beautiful
Somehow wed make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Wed turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is singing we were right
Angel continued singing as the song came to an end. He could feel the damp spot where Buffys tears leaked out. He had finally told her about how Roman didnt want them together anymore. She was upset, but she had also reassured him things would turn out right.
If I never knew you
Id have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
If I neverknew you
As the song came to an end, Buffy was quietly weeping into Angel's sweater. If it weren't for her shaking, Angel would have never known she was weeping.
Angel didn't have to ask why. He already knew why she was crying. Instead, he stroked her hair while she cried. He held her until he was finished and her eyes were slightly red.
"Are you all right, love?" He asked softly.
Buffy sniffled and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry for going all baby on you. It was just that song", she said.
Angel put a finger to her lips. "It's all right. I know", he said.
He held her until she finally pulled away.
"Food?" He asked.
"Food sounds ohhh" Buffy said as she felt a drop of water hit her head.
Angel looked up at the sky. Light clouds had formed and began raining on them.
Buffy looked at Angel and smiled.
The drops soon turned into a relatively heavy storm.
"Let's get to shelte"r, Angel said as he grabbed Buffy arm.
Buffy laughed and span out of his grip. She ran through their private area and danced in the rain. Angel stood gaping at the beautiful sight. She looked like a goddess. Pure energy and beauty. There was definitely nothing as beautiful as this.
Angel finally stopped gaping and ran after her. She squealed as she saw him coming. He scooped her up into his arms and ran. He didn't know where he was going, but he ran anyway.
Buffy giggled in his arms as he ran. Her hair was clinging to her face, and her dress what sticking in all the wrong spots, but she really couldnt bring herself to care. This was the most fun shed had since ever.
Angel finally sat Buffy down and pointed to a small abandoned cottage in the middle of the woodland area of the park. No one had ventured that far since the park issued no trespassing, but right about now, they didn't really care. They were wet and they were a little cold. They were going inside.
Buffy and Angel bounced into the cabin and looked around. The cabin was private property and belonged to Mr. Johnson, the richest man in the city. He was out of town for the next three months however.
Buffy and Angel looked around. The living room had a soft satin couch and a large brick fireplace. Across from the fireplace on the other side of the room was a loft. In the loft was a large window. A feather bed sat under the window. All in all, it was a cozy little spot even if no one had been in it for over a year.
Angel walked over to the fireplace and picked up some dry logs. "Pretty soon it will be nice in here", he said.
Buffy walked into another room and found a closest full of clothes. "Whoa. Talk about bulk supply."
She grabbed an old t-shirt and a pair of long flannel pants and bounced into the living room again." Here Angel, I found you some" she started. She stopped abruptly when she saw Angel tended to the fireshirtless. She gulped audibly. "Here I bring shirts" She said.
Angel smiled. "Thanks". He looked down at her soaked body. The cream dress allowed just peeks of flesh to be seen. The rosy red of her hard nipples were obvious, and the outline of her silk thong was visible. He gulped, and felt the blood rush straight to his groin.
Buffy looked down at herself and blushed. "Oh, I am going to go change yeah", she said as she ran up the ladder to the loft. She could feel Angel's eye burning into her as she climbed up the ladder. "I'm wearing white, and I dont have a bra on stupid!" Buffy said under her breath as she reached the top.
She began to work the dress up over her head, when she realized it was too tight and it would have to be unfastened from the back.
"Ugh ugh" Buffy grunted as she reached around, trying to undo the dress buttons.
"Need help?" Angel asked from the ladder.
Buffy gasped and looked over at him. His chin was resting peacefully on the loft floor. His intense chocolate eyes seemed to burn a hole right through her. She shivered, but paradoxically became hot with lust and need.
"Um, yeah my dress won't come off", she said as he climbed the rest of the way up the ladder and kneeled behind her.
He slowly unbuttoned each button, and managed to get a slight feather soft touch in every time he reached for a button.
She moaned softly each time his hands came in contact with her skin. Even the faintest caress sent chills up and down her body, and made her skin grow hotter.
By the time her dress was unbuttoned, she was almost panting.
Angel sensed her arousal and gulped.
Buffy turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. "I've never felt more secure with anyone before", she said. "Thank you."
Angel smiled and caressed her face, removing stray strands of hair." Buffy, you have no idea what you make me feel. It's hard for me to even put it in to words."
" Buffy I know I've told you this before, but I'm afraid I have to admit that 'I wasn't sure I was scared but after tonight, I know. I know that what I feel is true, and its not another fling", Angel said.
Buffys brow tightened. "Angel?"
Angel swallowed hard." Buffy I love you. More than anything. More than life itself. The more time I spend around you, the more I want you. I want to be with you in every way possible", he said.
Buffy sighed in relief. "Me too. I love you more than anything. Angel please" she said as she leaned in and kissed him.
The kiss grew frantic and passionate. His tongue merged with hers and swirled inside each others mouths. The blinding passion consumed them both and pretty soon, they were pressed up against each other, the only barrier between their naked chests was Buffy's dress.
Buffy dove in for another kiss when Angel pulled back. "Buffy I have to I mean"
"What"? Buffy asked.
"I mean, what if we and you know baby and"
Buffy put a hand up to his mouth. "Angel. One word. Pill. Now kiss me", she said as she pulled him back into her embrace.
Angel pulled back again. "BuffyI-Ive never you know"
Buffy waited a second, before his meaning sunk in. He avoided her eyes. She tilted his chin up to so his eyes met hers. "It looks like another thing we get to experience together first, right?"
Angel opened his eyes and smiled. "Right."
Buffy smiled and pulled him back in for a long kiss. Her dress was thrown aside and she laid back on the bed. Angel climbed on top of her. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, her ears, her neck, her slim shoulders, and then he finally drug his tongue lazily to her breasts. They heaved up and down in desire. He looked up at her flushed face and smiled before attacking her breasts.
"Angel!" She squealed as he suckled gently on her right breast. He traced the nipple with his tongue, flicking over the tips over and over again. She mewled in pleasure as he moved from her right breast to her left, repeating the same pattern. He left her breasts and blazed a firey path down her flat tummy. He dipped his tongue into her belly button, before continuing on. He had done pretty much everything you could do with a woman without actually having sex, but being with Buffy his brain was working so fast he could barely keep up. Finally, he stopped thinking and went primarily on want and need and impulse.
He reached the apex of her body and spread her legs a little wider. He slowly placed little kisses to the insides of her thighs, before moving in any further. She mewled and moaned as he kissed and licked his way to her heated entry. Deciding to keep her tight for other things, he carefully inserted one finger into her growing wetness and began pushing it in and out slowly. Her sex milked his finger eagerly and she moaned with the pleasure. He bent his finger just so, so that every time he went in and out, his knuckle rubbed deliciously against her G-spot.
"Annnngel", she moaned. He kissed a searing path up to where the bundle of nerves were located. He kissed and sucked and worried the little bundle of nerves until she was bucking her hips.
"Angel! I'm I'm gonna come"! She said breathlessly as she bucked beneath him.
"Yes, Buffy" Angel said as he began flicking her nub with his tongue repeatedly.
"OH! ANNNNGEEEEEL!!!!" She yelled as she came. Her sex pulled at his finger, and she bucked her hips up into his face until her earth shattering climax was over, and she was left quivering. Angel was hard as a rock as he ascended her body.
"Oh, Angel make love to me", Buffy said as she grabbed his waist and pulled him back up to her.
"Yes, my love", Angel moaned into her mouth as he entered her fluttering, and still wet, channel.
Buffy groaned as he broke the skin, and she frowned a bit as she adjusted to his size.
Pretty soon, her cries of ache were replaced by cries of ecstasy as Angel moved slowly in and out.
"Ohhhhh" Buffy moaned.
Angel put his right hand underneath her back, and his right hand, he intertwined with hers. He buried his head in her neck as he whispered to her.
"My love you are so hot, and so tight I've never been with a woman before and after tonight, theres no one else for me just you" He whispered huskily.
Buffy didnt respond, she only bucked her hips in time with his, as he drove into her.
"Please, Buffy I don't have much longer come with me? Please Buffy come with me I love you" , he said.
No sooner had he said the words, Buffy screamed and began bucking uncontrollably against him. "ANGEL!!!!!" She screamed as her inner walls clamped down on his hardness.
The combination of Buffy erotic noises and her sex milking his aching cock pushed him over the edge.
"BUFFY!!!" He shouted as he came.
After another momentous orgasm, Buffy snuggled into Angels arms.
"Angel" She said sleepily.
"Yes, love?" He asked.
"I love you."
Angel smiled and kissed her cheek. "I love you too."
Buffy lied her purse down on the bed. She was literally exhausted. She had been working furiously all day with Angel on their English assignment. Of course, they did stop once or twice or a study break
Buffy smiled. She had no idea that anyone could make her feel the things she did when she was with him. He made her feel complete and satisfied. He made her feel warm and alive. But most of all, he made her feel safe and loved.
Buffy's smile widened. For some reason, every time she thought about him, her heart pounded inside her chest, and she couldnt resist the urge to smile. He had that effect on her.
"Buffy! Are you joining us for dinner?" Giles yelled up to her room.
Buffy sighed. "Sorry, Giles, I am soooo tired save me some though, okay?" She yelled back. She collapsed on top of her bed.
"Buuuuffy!" James said as he walked into her room.
"Jaaaames", Buffy replied. "What's up, sweetie?"
"Nothing guess who I was talkin to!!" James said.
Buffy smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. Who?"
James giggled. "If you wanna know you have to come downstairs!"
Buffy smiled and took hold on his hand. "All right."
Together, they ran down the stairs. When the reached they bottom, Buffy gasped in surprise.
"Hey, Buff", Xander said quietly.
"X-Xander", Buffy answered.
Xander turned to James. "Hey, buddy, do you mind leaving us alone for a minute?"
James smiled. "Why? Are you two gonna kiiiiiiiiiss?"
Buffy chuckled and Xander blushed.
"Go eat dinner", Buffy said.
"Come on, lets go for a walk", Buffy said.
"Where the hell were you this morning?!" Roman boomed inside their living room.
"I-I was" Angel started to answer.
"SHUT UP!" Roman yelled. "You were with the little bitch weren't you? You were with her last night, and you screwed her, didn't you?"
Angel felt his blood begin to boil.
Romans look of anger slowly contorted into a smirk. "Ohh, so you don't like that, do you?"
Angel clenched his fists.
"Well, how bout this you took your hot little bitch off somewhere, and you fucked her innocent tight pussy until she passed out, right?" Roman taunted.
Angel couldnt take it anymore. He raised his fist, and with lightening fast reflexes, he punched Roman in the jaw.
"Ungh", Roman grunted as his head snapped sideways.
Angel panted. "Never ever talk about her that way, you understand me?"
Roman chuckled and faced him again. "Little brother I never thought you had it in you I'm actually kinda proud", Roman said.
Angel remained silent, his body still poised for an attack.
"Instead of attacking", Roman got up and started circling Angel.
"Angel, I hate to see you getting all worked up for some girl", Roman said.
" Maybe this girl is different", Angel replied flatly.
"What makes you think so?" Roman replied.
"Shes not like K-K-" Angel started.
"What's that, Angel? K-K-K-Kayleigh?" Roman asked.
"What's wrong Angel? Still hurt about old Kayleigh? Don't you remember what happened to her?" Roman taunted.
Angel felt his heart begin to ache. "Roman quit"
"What's wrong, Angel"? Roman asked. "Forget about your beloved Kayleigh that quickly?"
Angel flinched. Of course he hadnt. Kayleigh was the one girl Angel had had feelings for before Buffy. They dated, and they had fun together, but one day, Angel found Kayleigh screwing another guy. Angel was heartbroken that is, until Roman had taken her away. Literally. Thats when Angel had become cold hearted and detached from the world. It worked for a long time. Almost two years. That is, it worked pretty well until Buffy came along.
Angel couldnt help smiling at the thought of his lover holding his hand or smiling at him.
"What the fuck are you smiling at?" Roman asked.
Angel stopped smiling and focused in on Romans murderous glare.
" Angel you dont want a repeat of Kayleigh's unfortunate demise, do you?" Roman asked.
Angel looked into Romans eyes and glared. "You can threaten all you want, but I wont let you hurt her."
Roman turned away. "Angel, I was hoping it wouldnt come down to this"
Angel moved away a little bit.
Roman turned around and grabbed him the collar, holding him up about 5 inches from the ground.
"But since you've left me very little choice, I guess beating some sense into you is the only way", Roman said.
Roman punched Angel in the face hard. Once twice three times then, he hauled Angel up over his head and threw him hard against the wall.
Angel just lied there. He didnt think of moving.
He's angryAngel thought. He looked up into his brothers hard eyes. Okay, so he's pissed.
"Come on, Angel! Get up and fight like a man!" Roman barked. When Angel refused to get up, Roman kicked him continuously in the side.
"Get up!" He yelled. Angel spit up blood.
Roman reached down and drug Angel up. He held him eye level, and he took a sample of the blood flowing out of Angel's mouth with the other.
"See this blood? It's Daniels blood. It flows through our system inciting hate, and mayhem. This blood is NOT supposed to know what love feels like! I thought I explained that to you once!" Roman yelled.
"Roman" Angel said.
"And for what? For the little bitch to knock the sense outta you?! NO! I WORKED TOO HARD TO GET YOU THIS FAR TO BE KNOCKED DOWN BECAUSE OF LOVE!" Roman yelled. He punched Angel repeatedly in the face.
"Roman! Stop!" Spike yelled as he tackled his brother.
"What the" Roman said. Spike swiftly tackled him to the floor and pinned him down.
"ANGEL! GO"! Spike yelled to him. "TAKE FAITH WITH YOU!"
Angel got up and ran over to his brother. "I'm not leaving. This is my fight. Not yours."
Spike threw Angel backwards. Y"ou couldn't take me in that condition. GO!"
Angel hesitated a moment, then he grabbed an on looking Faith and fled.
Buffy got up from her studying to answer the door.
"Hey Angel," Buffy said. Her face morphed into a smile.
"Hey, B," Faith said as she stepped out of Angel's shadow.
Buffy's smile turned into a look of confusion. "Um, hey, Faith whats going on?"
Angel walked in and grabbed her by the arm. "Look, is it all right if Faith crashes here for a night?"
Buffy nodded. "Sure, but why?"
Angel nodded back at the door. "I have some things to take care of."
Buffy frowned a little. She didnt like the way he was acting. "Okay."
Angel turned back to Faith. "You are gonna stay here for awhile you are a guest in their home so behave!" Angel said before he kissed her on the forehead.
Faith smiled. "No big."
Angel took one last look, then he turned back around and ran.
"Whats going on?" Buffy asked.
"Oh, nothing, just a little testosterone rally goin on back at the house. No big. Everything is just five by five", Faith said.
Buffy nodded. She still wasnt quite sure what was going on, but if Angel asked for something, there was no way she could deny him.
"Come on in, watch TV, eat, sleep, were like a hotel, do what you will", Buffy said as she smiled.
Faith smiled brightly. "Thanks, B. I can see why Angel likes you so much."
Angel raced back to the house. He hoped he wasn't too late. He knew Roman. He could get carried away.
"Roman"! Angel yelled as he threw open the door.
Nothing answered him but silence.
" Roman!" He yelled again.
"Little brother" Roman said from the shadows around the doorway.
Angel jumped back a little as he turned to face him.
"Roman, where's Spike"? Angel asked.
Roman shrugged nonchalantly. "What do you mean? Physically?"
Angel paled. His stomach tightened in a knot.
Roman walked around the couch and sat on the edge of it, still facing Angel. "Well, physically speaking he is sleeping."
Angel felt some relieffor a moment, he thought that Roman had
"With the fish", Roman added.
Angel felt his heart stop. All the color drained from his face.
"You you k-killed Spike?" Angel choked out.
Roman nodded. "Yeah."
Angel felt the slow numbing of his body. "You killed him."
Y"eah, are you hard of hearing?" Roman said with a chuckle.
Angel felt all previous sadness evaporate leaving anger. More anger than Angel thought humanly possible.
Angel whipped out his right hand and slapped him. "YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!! YOU KILLED HIM!" He yelled as the tears fell.
Roman let Angel continue his assault for a while before he threw a sobbing Angel against the wall.
"HE GOT IN MY WAY! HE KNEW BETTER! BESIDES, IT WAS YOUR FUCKING FAULT! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS TOO PUSSY TO FIGHT!" Roman yelled.
Angel continued sobbing on the floor.
Roman walked over to Angels body and sat him up so he could yell in his ear.
"So, dear brother, who really killed him? Hmm? If it weren't for you, none of this wouldnt have happened. You killed him. It was you gutting Spike, not me", Roman said.
Angel felt anger, overwhelming sadness, and grief hit him all at once. But most of all, he felt guilt.
He knew Roman was right whether he wanted to believe it or not. He knew that if he had just fought, Spike would still be here, sharing his room and wearing his clothes, and oh God! The bastard killed him!
"NO!" The Roman-like voice yelled in his head. "You killed him!"
Roman stood up and walked away." I didn't want it to come down to murder, Angel. Really, I didn"t, he said with his back still turned.
" I only did what I was supposed to do. I couldnt just let him walk away! You were the one pushing him to me! YOU!" Roman said.
" No" Angel whispered.
" Oh yeah. Cry. Just let that be a warning to you. I love you, but I will not let my emotions get in the way of my duty", Roman said." To maintain my pride, and to maintain my power."
Angel sobbed on the floor.
A wave of memories enveloped him.
He and Spike playing in the sandbox in elementary school. He and Spike with their mother. He and Spike with Faith. He and Spike with Roman. "God! Roman!"
" Roman killed her!" Angels mind screamed.
Correction, Angels inner Roman reminded him.
"You killed him."
Angel walked around town for a long time that night. He kept thinking about Spike.
All those times Spike said Roman was insane, and I never believed him, Angel said. All those times Spike stood up for me, and when he needed me the mostI ranI ran like a coward. I ran like the coward I am, he said, his last words punctuated with anger.
Angel let out a primal yell and began beating a near by trash can to pieces.
"It's not fair! It's not fair!" He screamed. His grunts soon turned into tears. Soon, he was sobbing all over again.
"I'm so sorry!" Angel bawled.
"Hey", A soft voice said from behind him. Angel turned slowly.
"Faith I thought I told you to stay with Buffy", Angel said quietly as he wiped his tears away.
As his sister came closer, he could see the mascara running down the sides of her face as she tried to wipe it away. Her nose was red, and her skin was a little splotchy.
"Yeah, well, you know me not the real close to home person. Not like SSS" Faith started. The tears overwhelmed her and she fell to her knees sobbing.
Angel looked at her and didnt see the girl all guys claimed was wild. He didn't see a tough girl. He saw a little girl who loved her brother.
"ANGEL! Faith wailed. "Tell me its not true! Tell me!"
Angel took his sister in his arms and held her while she cried. His own tears fell down his cheeks as he sat there in the middle of the park rocking his sister back and forth.
"How did you?"
" I went back home to see if things had cooled down a little R-Roman" Faith said. She shot up and ran out of Angel's arms and in a rush of adrenaline, grabbed the previously beaten trashcan and began beating on it.
"THE BASTARD! HE KILLED HIM! HE KILLED HIM!" Faith screeched as she assaulted the trashcan.
Angel came up behind her and placed his hands on her quivering arms.
" Faith it's no use he's gone" He said. He could feel his own tears trying to push themselves forward, but he held them back.
"I must be strong for Faith", he thought.
"Angel! I miss him! I love him! I neverI never even got to say good-goodbye", she whimpered in his arms. She cried into his hard chest.
Angel ran his hand over his sisters hair as they sank back down to the ground.
"Why? Why did he kill him?" Faith cried.
"It's because of me Spike was sticking up for me" Angel said.
Faith sniffled and then looked up into her brothers face.
" He was fighting my fight If I just would have fought none of this would have happened. Roman didn't kill him I did", Angel said quietly, his voice full of remorse.
Faith grabbed his face so he had to look at her. "Dont! Don't give in to him! Roman is wrong! Its not your fault It never was Roman has always tried to blame things on you."
Angel made a whimpering sound. "No"
"You know I'm right Angel, believe me. It was NOT your fault", Faith said. She stared into her brothers chocolate eyes.
" I love you", Angel said at last as he held her against him again.
"I love you too", Faith said as she hugged him back, her tears returning.
They sat there in the middle of the park crying over their lost brother.
After all, they were all they had left now.
"Hey, something wrong?" Buffy asked quietly the next day.
"No its nothing", Angel answered. Buffy began rubbing his arm.
"Are you sure"? Buffy asked.
Angel nodded and moved away. "Yes."
Buffy watched him get up out of his chair in the library and walk over to a window.
"Well, this will cheer you up", she said. Angel didnt turn around, or even answer.
"The prom is coming up, and I thought if you weren't going with another girl, and since I'm not going with anyone else maybe we could ya know, go together," Buffy said. She smiled warmly.
Angel didnt answer. "I can't."
Buffy frowned. "Why not?"
" I just can't, so drop it", Angel snapped.
Buffys brow furrowed. "Angelus Daniels, what is up your ass today?"
Angel didnt answer. Instead, he turned around and glared at her.
"What's wrong? What, did Spike try to ram it up your ass again?" She asked.
Angel strode over, picked up a book and threw it against the wall. "NEVER SAY THAT EVER AGAIN!"
Buffy stood up." Tell me what the hell is your problem!"
" I cant!"
"Because you wouldnt understand!"
Buffy became quieter. "Angel, I thought you could tell me anything I thought you loved me."
Angel turned around again. "Well, maybe maybe I-I dont."
Buffy inhaled sharply. "What?"
"It s just that I've really been questioning love lately. What I thought was love was nothing more than manipulated power", he said." I'm not sure, thats all."
Buffy backed up a little. "You dont love me?"
Angel was silent.
Buffy felt a tear slide down her face.
"Then why did you tell me you loved me if you never meant it?" She asked.
"I-I read your diary while you were asleep that one night", Angel replied as he ran a hand through his hair.
"You read my diary?"
"Well, it was just laying out on your dresser! Anyone could have read it!" He said loudly.
"Yeah but everyone should know that a diary is supposed to be a secret place to write your inner feelings down in! If I wanted people to read it, I'd post it in the newpaper!" Buffy retorted.
"WELL SORRY!" He yelled.
"I can't believe you!" She said quietly.
"What? What cant you believe? That I'm a dick? A jerk?" Angel asked. "You already knew I was a no good murderer, didnt you?"
Buffy gasped. "I never thought that once"
" Oh really, well, you should."
"Don't tell me what I can and cannot think!" Buffy yelled. "You told me you loved me! I gave myself to you! Heart, body what more were you planning on doing to me before you TOLD me you didn't love me?"
"People tell their girlfriends or boyfriends they love them all the time just to get some", Angel said. As soon as it left his lips he immediately regretted it. "Buffy I didnt mean"
Buffy backed even farther away. "Don't talk to me. I'm leaving."
Angel grabbed her arm and she yanked it out of his grasp.
"Buffy, dont go."
"Why? So you can tell me some more shit? Well, I DONT WANNA HEAR IT!"
Angel backed away. "Why are you making such a fucking deal out of this?!"
" Because it IS a big deal!" Buffy yelled. "I gave you my body and more importantly my heart"
"You know, Roman always said that feelings were a waste of energy I'm beginning to believe him", Angel said as he started to walk out the door.
"Roman?! What the fuck does he have to do with this?!" She screamed.
Angel grabbed another book and threw it so hard, that the binding came off as it hit the wall.
"EVERYTHING! My mom didnt die in a hit and run. My brother killed her. My own BLOOD! All he cares about is domination and power. HE KILLED SPIKE! HE KILLED SPIKE BECAUSE I WOULDNT FIGHT! IT'S MY FAULT BOTH OF THEM ARE DEAD! Its my fault" He said, his last words a little more silent.
Buffy was silent.
" Buffy Look, I need some time."
Buffy stared at him. "Wait are you are you breaking up with me?"
Angel stared at the ground.
Buffy started to walk out the door.
"NO! Angel, I am really sorry about your mom, and I am SO sorry about Spike, but you have to get it through your head that it isn't your fault! It never was! Roman is deranged and you need to get out of his grasp before you slip too" She said as she came closer.
Angel backed away. "I cant He and Faith are all I have left."
Buffy pulled away and opened the door. Before she walked out, she paused.
"My friends, people I love, they stopped talking to me! I gave them up for you! I gave myself to you! And now you want to break up with me because your family is giving you trouble? Angel, you're the one who told me that everything would be all right as long as we were together! And now you're just going to back out as soon as someone gives you shit? I've been through some serious shit in these last couple weeks, and all the while, I kept telling myself that we were in this together."
Buffy laughed dryly. "You know, its a fact that once one part of your life is going all right, another part falls to pieces. Xander talked to me the other night. He apologized. He wished us the best of luck. He needn't have."
Angel backed away.
Buffy stared at him before walking out the door. "Goodbye, Angel", she said as she ran home. Anywhere to get away from him. She could feel the tears, and she did not want to be near him when she broke down.
Angel watched her go. He felt so lost. First Spike, now, Buffy?
As he watched her run away, he couldnt help but notice the gaping hole in his heart where Buffy used to be.
"Whats wrong little brother?" Roman asked.
"Nothing", Angel spat.
"Oh, is it that Summers girl?" he asked.
Angel didnt answer.
"Ohhh, my poor little brother don't worry", Roman said.
Angel looked up at him. "Why?"
" Because I know that she won't be a problem of your's anymore", Roman said.
Angels chest became tight. "I broke up with her we can forget her."
"Oh, see, thats the problem", Roman said, "she may be gone, but the effect she had on you lives on. You know the only way to get rid of that."
"Thats right, little brother", Roman said. He reached into his pocket and produced his long slender knife he used to gut Spike with. His blood still stained the shiny metal.
" I'll take care of her."
Angel felt his heart stop.
"She wo'nt bother you again ever again," Roman said.
"Okay, class", Mrs. James said. "You've had three weeks to work on this assignment. Now, its time for the moment of truth!"
Several people from within the classroom walls groaned. All except Angel Daniels and Buffy Summers. Buffy sat staring at the wall in silence. Her slender arms were wrapped around her chest, and she was wearing a large gray sweatshirt that covered her body loosely. Her hair was left down, and she wore no make-up. She stared absently out the window on the other side of the room. Occasionally, she would glance around the room at various things. Desks. Students. Paper. Angel
Buffys eyes became fixed on Angel. How could he do this to her? Everything was going so well, and now this. It had been three days since they broke up, and they hadn't spoken to one another since. Every time they passed in the hall, Buffy or Angel would change directions.
"I just cant be around him", Buffy thought. She looked down at her desk and remembered the times when she and Angel would just sit in the park and talk. They talked about school, and dreams, and everything. Well, almost everything. Apparently, Angel wasn't as comfortable sharing his inner thoughts with Buffy as she thought he was. Buffy felt tears threaten to slide down her face. "I wasnt worth telling", Buffy thought. "Besides, he didnt even love me. He just wanted to get me into bed. He never loved me. Never." Buffy tried and tried for hours to convince herself just that, but every time she would get herself believing, she would remember how he smiled at her, or how he danced with her. She remembered how he sweetly held her, and the feeling of his gentle hands on her body. She remembered the sweet words he used to tell her, and the look in his eyes when he said them. Those were the times she was sure he loved her.
Those were the times she remembered, and they always brought her back to the same place.
Angel loved her, she just screwed up somewhere.
Buffy brushed a tear out of the corner of her eye. She could feel Angel staring at her from across the room (he moved the day after they broke up). She didn't know what to do. It was weird, but she felt almost like she couldnt breathe. Like she was being smothered, or being strangled from the inside out. She needed Angel, but she couldnt have him.
It was the most pain she had ever experienced since her mom died.
"Come on now, class! Who wants to go first?" Mrs. James asked. When no one answered, she looked around. "Hmm, Harmony? Wanna take a stab at it?"
Harmony shook her head. "No thanks."
"Oh, come now", Mrs. James said. "Get up here!"
Harmony stood up and walked to the front of the room.
As soon as she stood up, the view that had been blocked by Harmony was unblocked, and Angel was awash in the beauty that was Buffy.
He gasped audibly when he looked at her. Even though she looked tired and weary, she was still a sight. Angel ran a hand through his messy hair, and looked back down at his desk.
"So many memories. So many wonderful memories", Angel thought. He smiled in spite of himself, and he let the memories wash over him. The feel of Buffy's smooth skin under his hands, and the smell of her hair made his heart throb. He remembered the way she smiled, and the way her eye's lit up when she saw him. He could feel her small, warm hands in his big, cold ones warming him up. He remembered the feeling of her arms around his waist, and her warm, sweet lips smashed against his. Everything that made his heart sing with pleasure and happiness then, made his heart drag with remorse and sadness now. He missed Buffy. He missed everything about her. He hated himself for being such an asshole to her, and he had lied in bed for hours remembering his own harsh words until he felt like poking his eyes out with blunt pencils. There was nothing worse than seeing the hurt look on her face when he broke up with her.
Angel looked back at her, and was surprised to see her looking back at him. He made an attempt at smiling, but instead of returning the smile, she turned around and began writing on a sheet of notebook paper in front of her.
"Well, that was interesting, Harmony and Jonathon", Mrs. James said. "I never knew that poetry could be compared to shopping and the X-Men."
Harmony smiled. "Oh, thank you!"
"Well, then. Go, take your seat," Mrs. James said.
Harmony sat back down, once again blocking Angel's view of Buffy.
"Well, lets see who's next", Mrs. James said.
"Buffy Summers and Angel Daniels, front and center!" She said.
Angel looked up from his desk.
"Uh-uh, I really, I can't," he heard Buffy murmur.
Mrs. James gave her a disapproving glance. "Now, Ms. Summers, you're going to have to go sooner or later. Might as well be sooner."
Buffy sighed and stood up. "Fine."
Angel followed suit and walked to the front of the room.
"Ready?" Angel asked Buffy.
Buffy didnt even look at him. "Ready as I'll ever be", she replied flatly.
Angel gulped. "All right."
Buffy started first. "We did our project on Victorian poetry", she said. "Victorian poetry actually took place between" Buffy said.
Angel wasnt really paying attention. He was too busy staring at his love. The way the sun highlighted her already honey hair even brighter made his heart thump. He noticed that her eyes had more of a bluish hue to them today. She kept shifting from one foot to another out of nervousness, and her eyebrows kept furrowing even deeper each time Angel looked.
"Some of the more famous women poets were Emily Dickenson and Elizabeth Barrett Browning", Buffy said.
"Yeah, um, one of Mrs. Brownings more famous collection of poems, she wrote for her husband, who later begged her to publish them, Robert Browning. The collection is entitled, Sonnets from the Portugeuse, and include Sonnet 43, How do I love thee?" Angel said. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth, and breadth and height/My soul can reach when feeling out of sight/For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace./I love thee to the depth of everydays
Most quiet need by sun and candlelight./I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;/I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use/In my old griefs, and with my childhood faith./I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints---I love thee with the breath,/Smiles, tears, all my life!---/And if God choose,/I shall but love thee better after death." Angel read. He could hear Buffy trying to hold back the tears that he had caused.
"I promised her forever", Angel thought. "What a joke."
Buffy felt something inside her snap. As much as she wanted it to be untrue, she loved Angel with all her heart. She needed him. Hearing him recite the poem he had left for her that morning, made her heart ache with pain. She missed him so bad. She could tell he heard her quiet tears, and she could sense him trying to fight the impulse to wrap his arms around her. Part of her wished he would stop fighting it, and just do it.
"Yeah, and um, thats about it actually", Buffy managed to choke out.
Mrs. James smiled. "That was lovely. Thank you dears".
Angel tried to smile, but the terrible pain in his heart was too strong.
Buffy quickly walked to her seat and buried her head into her sweatshirt.
Angel sat down and watched as Xander wrapped his arm around Buffy, and pull her into a hug.
"Shh, its okay, Buffy", Xander murmured softly into Buffys ear as she cried silently into his shoulder.
Buffy cried for a couple more minutes before stopping and wiping her eyes.
"Are we better?" Xander asked as he wiped a tear from her cheek.
Buffy smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Xander."
Xander smiled. "Anytime."
Angel clenched his jaw and fought an impulse to pound Xander's head into oblivion. "How dare he touch HIS girlfriend! It was unthinkable!"
Wait a second, cowboy, he reminded himself, shes your EX girlfriend. Get it right.
Angel sat back in his seat helplessly as he watched Buffy being comforted by Xander.
Angel sat through more presentations, all the while never taking his eyes off Buffy. She sat there in Xanders arms the entire rest of the class period, and occasionally sent a sad glance over in Angel's direction although not directly.
Angel could read her eyes and her body gestures. It was almost as if she was saying with every sniff and every glance of her eye over in his direction,
" I could have been in your arms. This could have been you. Why did you screw that up for us?"
Angel never responded, only kept his eyes on her.
After class, Angel walked toward Buffy. He needed to apologize. He knew that it wasnt her fault, and that he was being a stubborn ass treating her like everything that happened was his fault. She had trusted him with her heart and he had trampled on it like dirt. Buffy was not dirt. She was more than gold.
"Um, Buffy, somaybe, since you dont have a date, and I dont have a date, we could, ya know, go to the prom together", Angel heard a voice say.
Angel followed the voice to a boy named Scott Bellinger. Scott was the captain of the basketball team, and an all around good guy with a genuine smile.
"It would be a shame if I had to wipe that smile off his face", Angel thought cruelly.
Buffy looked past Scott directly at Angel, then refocused on Scott.
"I would love to. Pick me up around eight?" Buffy said.
Angel felt his heart shatter. "No, Buffy, dont do this!' His heart screamed.
"Great! See ya!" Scott said as he walked away.
Angel stood staring at Buffy as she stared back.
He once again, read her eyes and her body language.
" I'm sorry, Angel. You had your chance."