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Title: I Wish
Author: Elizabeth
E-mail: Gymnastixgurl07@aol.com
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Also, lyrics aren't mine, the belong to Cure
and whoever else is associated with the song To Wish Impossible Things.
Distribution: You want this? Sure, just let me know please. <g>
Summary: After Buffy is handed divorce papers she runs to Angel for
comfort... things happen.
Spoilers: Um, well I took the idea from the eppy The Wish, and well there are
teeny tiny mentions of IWRY, and well I guess to be safe we could say
everything up to IWRY...
Rating: PGish. I'm really bad at these.
Feedback: Yes please.
AN: Okay, to clear things up, nothing after IWRY happened, nope. No Riley, no
Spike, and a big no to Cordy/Angel ... this takes place six years later. Also
this is going to part of a "New Beginnings" series (I think... if you guys
like it...)
~:*:~
//⦠But now the sun shines cold, and all the sky is gray
The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears
And all I wish, is gone awayâ¦//
Buffy took an unsteady breath as she steeled herself for what was to come.
The man on the other side of the door was the last person she wanted to see,
especially in light of recent events, yet at the same time, said man was the
one person Buffy needed to talk to. Gently pushing the door, she took a few
uneasy steps into the small office. Hearing the door open, both occupants in
the room looked up. Brown eyes met hazel and the world seemed to dissipate.
"I, I'm sorry is this a bad time?" Buffy asked, her voice hoarse, emotions
running rampant through her body. Hearing no answer from the older man, she
began to get nervous, her knuckles becoming white from squeezing them too
hard. "I should⦠go." She said after a few uncomfortable moments of silence.
Turning quickly around she made her way to the door, only to be stopped by a
hand on her shoulder, turning her around to once again face him. She silently
cursed him, how did he manage to do that?
"Why are you here?" He flinched at his words, he had not meant for them to
sound so harsh. "I mean it's just that-"
"It's been awhile." Buffy finished meekly. Wishing that after all these years
he did not have that power over her, the power to turn her knees to mush and
to make those butterflies squirm around in her stomach. She wished that after
five years, she could not get lost in those soul-filled brown eyes, that with
a simple touch her whole body wouldn't burn for more, that her veins wouldn't
hum with delight knowing that he was so close.
"I'm sorry I came. I should-"
"Go." He finished with his gorgeous trade make half smile. "You said that
already."
She nodded slowly, "I did."
Angel looked over at the leggy brunette who was perched on top of his desk,
watching the scene unfold before her with curiosity and a hint of jealousy.
Giving her an apologetic look, as she stood up from her perch, taking her
purse in her hand as she walked out the door. Of course not before giving
Angel a chaste kiss on the cheek. Something that did no go unnoticed by
Buffy.
She should not be jealous. They were of the past. She had moved on, he should
be able to also, right? She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help but feel
that he was not allowed to move on, he should have to stay alone for the rest
of his life; he shouldn't be able to feel happiness, not if it wasn't with
her. Of course, she felt now even more out of place then she did when she
had first arrived. Had she been intruding on something private?
Angel looked at the ground, not wanting to face Buffy. He was not sure why he
should be sorry; they had broken up six years ago, they went their separate
ways. She had married, moved on. Wasn't he allowed to too? Walking quickly
over to the desk, he pulled out a chair, motioning for Buffy to sit down,
which she did. Looking down at her clasped hands, looking anywhere but to the
chiseled face that bore into her, waiting for her to say something.
"He left me." She finally blurted out, after moments of silence. "My husband
left me." She looked up, looked up to his face, trying to read his reaction,
yet he had none. He sat opposite of her, saying nothing, letting his face
take on a blank stare. "I got the divorce papers this morning⦠I came here, I
don't know why. I'm sorry." She wanted to get up, to walk out the door into
the sunlight, but he kept her there, reaching across the table he took her
hand into his larger one, caressing his thumb over the pad of her palm. It
was the first contact that either had allowed since Buffy had walked through
that door.
As the electricity jolted through her body from the simple gesture, Buffy
looked up once again, the tears threatening to fall. She said nothing,
neither said a thing; they just stared letting memories from a happier time
swarm around them. The silence was wanted, yet at the same time
uncomfortable. Pulling her hand away from his, she set it in her lap once
again. Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, Buffy spoke once again. "We have
two children. I wanted to tell you, it was justâ¦" She trailed off, unsure of
why she hadn't told Angel. Maybe because it felt as if she was cheating on
him, that the children should have been Angel's, not Kevin's.
"I know." He stated, anguish filling his soul. "Cordelia told me." He
answered, as she looked up sharply with questioning eyes.
She let out a silent 'oh.' And looked down again, feeling suddenly
uncomfortable, thinking of an escape, an escape from him, from his love, that
even after all these years, Buffy could still feel, could still read in his
eyes.
"Where are you staying?" Angel questioned, knowing that the women before him
was uncomfortable.
She shrugged her shoulder, mumbling an, "I don't know."
"Stay here, with me." He pleaded, not even realizing he had said it until it
was out of his mouth- too late to take it back. He kicked himself mentally
wishing that he could turn back time, or the more appealing thought would be
that the ground would just open up and swallow him whole. He had not meant to
sound so eager, he hadn't even meant to say it out loud, it just sort of
happened.
"I, is that such, I mean, I don't want to burden you." She finished meekly.
Staying this close to Angel for however short or long of a period would only
cause more heartache. Yes Buffy had gotten married, yes she had moved on, and
yes she had two wonderful children, and yes she would always love Angel,
truly madly and deeply. He was her first love that was not something you
could get over.
He shook his head, "It wouldn't be a burden, please stay. At least for the
night."
~:*:~
It was past dinnertime when Buffy returned to the hotel, this time with two
additional guests. Getting out of the SUV, she stretched her legs as she
walked around to the back, ready to help her children out of the car.
Unbuckling the child's seat, she lifted her son from his confines, standing
him on the cement ground, before walking over to the other side, where she
lifted her sleeping daughter from the car seat, letting her rest against her
shoulder.
Shutting the doors, and locking the car, she grabbed the blonde haired boys
hand, and the three silently made their way up to the hotel, Angel waiting by
the door, having heard the car pull up.
He smiled at them, feeling a tiny pang at the sight of her children, wishing
they were his, wishing that Buffy and him were together, and had been
together. Opening the door, he let the three in. Standing right inside the
corridor was Cordelia, Wesley, that woman from earlier, and another man she
did not recognize.
Cordelia smiled warmly, going over to hug Buffy, surprising the blonde. Her
and Cordelia had never been close, yes they tolerated each other, but they
weren't close. Bending down, the brunette looked at the small boy, "You must
be Aidan, last time I saw you, you were as big as your sister." She greeted,
looking over the boy, he had grown remarkably since the last time she'd seen
him, looking more like his mother each day.
In response the young child clung harder to his mother's hand, taking a step
closer to her side. He did not understand why they had to come here, why they
couldn't stay at home, with Daddy. He didn't understand why he had to spend
the night here, with strangers.
Angel looked at Cordelia, feeling jealousy surge through him- it was crazy.
He was crazy. He was jealous of one of his best friends, for the simple fact
that she was allowed the pleasure of hugging the blonde goddess to his right.
Maybe it was not such a good idea for the women to spend the night, he
thought to himself for not the first time that day.
"B-Buffy, it's good to see you again." Wesley greeted, walking over to shake
her hand in greeting. "I just wish it were under different circumstances."
Buffy smiled sadly at the ex-watcher. "Same."
It was then that the brunette spoke up from her spot near the dark-skinned
man. "Angel, honey, aren't you going to introduce us?" She sauntered over to
his side, casually linking her arms with his own. "We never got a chance to
fully met this afternoon, after all." She looked over at Buffy, competition
in her dark brown eyes, as she rested her chin on Angel's shoulder, a
triumphant look filling her.
Angel shook himself from his daze. "Missy this is Buffy, my, we used to
date." He said looking from one woman to the other, "A long time ago." He
added hastily. "Buffy this is Missy, she's myâ¦" He stumbled searching for
what exactly they were. Casual sex partners, friends, dating? He wasn't too
sure they never really discussed it.
"Girlfriend." Missy informed. "We've been dating the past few weeks." She did
not like the vibes the shorted and younger women was sending, she didn't like
what this women was doing to her boyfriend, she had a feeling that whatever
the two of those two had was pretty serious. That young women might have even
been the reason that Angel was never able to fully open up to her, and that
thought scared her more then she'd like.
"Since I don't think I'm going to be introduced, I'll do it myself. Gunn.
Charles Gunn." The man stated, walking over to the slayer, extending his arm
out. Buffy quickly took his hand, shaking it. He leaned in closer to her a
mischievous smile on his face, "We'll talk once the divorce is over with." He
said, giving her a wink. Causing the blonde to smile for the first time that
day.
Angel growled, hearing what the man had said. Gunn just turned casually,
shrugging to his friend as he walked to stand behind Cordelia, who slapped
him on the arm. "Have some tact, she's going through a hard time." All adults
knowing the "true Cordelia" rolled their eyes, hearing her comment on tact.
Looking up at the blonde women, "If you need anything, just ask, we'll try to
get it for you." She stated warmly.
Aidan looked up at his mother, wishing that it were he in her arms and not
his sleeping younger sister. Tugging at his mother's khaki shorts he signaled
for her to bend down, which she did as best she could, still holding the
child, hoping that the shift in position wouldn't wake her up. "I hungy
mommy." He whined, his stomach growling as he said it.
Buffy looked up at Angel. "My stuff, it's still in the car, it has some
snacks for him, and a travel crib for her. Could you, I mean can you help me
get it." She did not want to put the child down, and she felt a little uneasy
leaving her in the care of the people who stood before her, scrutinizing her
as if she were a bug, it was not that she didn't trust them, or in Cordelia
and Wesley's place that she didn't know them, it was just she wanted to hold
onto her baby, at least for as long as she could.
Angel nodded, detaching himself from his girlfriend. Walking out into the
chilly night's air, Buffy following quickly behind him, Aidan following
Buffy. The night was pretty uneventful, after the AI gang helped Buffy bring
in her belongings, Angel showed Buffy her rooms, setting up Courtney's crib,
she placed the still sleeping baby in, tucking her in for the night. Reaching
through the diaper bag, she produced a zip lock bag containing cut apples and
handed them to her son, who munched on them greedily.
Angel had said goodnight to Missy, sending her on her way, before telling
Gunn, Wesley, and Cordelia that they too could feel free to go. He walked up
the stairs heading over to Buffy's room. About to enter he stopped hearing
her son's voice. Standing just outside the door he listened.
Aidan was pulling on the racecar pajama top as he sat on top of the
unfamiliar bed, his mother only a few feet away, digging through the small
duffel bag looking for her own night gear. "Mommy why isn' daddy he-ah?"
Buffy immediately stopped what she had been doing, going over to sit next to
him on the bed, she pulled the four year old on her lap. "Remember how Mommy
and Daddy had that talk with you a few days ago. Remember how we told you
that you and Courtney would be living with me most of the time; but that you
would see your Daddy on certain weeks, and that you could call him on the
telephone or write to him as much as you liked?" Buffy started, feeling
guilty. If only she was a better wife, if only she could love her soon to be
ex-husband more.
Aidan nodded slowly, unsurely. Waiting for his mother to go on.
"Well, Mommy and Daddy they are getting a divorce. It's not your fault, and
it's not your sister's fault. We just decided that it would be best for all
of us. You know how Daddy and I used to fight a lot, with this we won't have
to fight anymore. We still love you both, lots, and well never stop loving
either forever and ever, and the divorce won't change it. It's just that
Mommy and Daddy don't love each other like they used to."
Aidan sat quietly, playing his mother's manicured nails, "Iv I'm weally good,
coud Daddy come bag?" Aidan pleaded with his mother, wishing that he was a
better child, wishing that he had been nicer to his sister, for maybe then
his parents would still be together. "I won'd be mean to Courdney anymo-ah."
He promised his mother.
Buffy hugged him, tears beginning to fall, why did she always cause the ones
she loved so much pain. She shook her head, pulling the young boy back to
look at her, "Aidan, Champ, this is not your fault. This is between Daddy and
me. I know you want Daddy, I wish that I could want him too, but it is for
the best."
Aidan began to cry, "I miss him. I wand my Daddy." He managed to get out
between sobs.
"I know you do Champ. I know you do." Buffy replied, soothing him as he
cried, till he fell asleep in her arms. Gently getting up, she pulled away
the covers, tucking him in, placing a kiss over his button nose, gently
ruffling his blonde short hair, wishing that things had been different.
She knew that one day her son would get over his grief, she knew that he
would someday understand that what was being done was for the best, but at
the same time she knew that the pain would stay forever, his parents
splitting would remain with him as he grew, tarnishing relationships. She
knew from personal experience too.
Hearing the room fall silent, Angel left, his own heart heavy with the
child's grief.
Buffy stood in front of the bathroom mirror, now in her pajamas, she began
washing her face. Splashing the cool water over her face. She remembered back
when she was sixteen, standing in front of a bathroom mirror, listening as
her parents fought for the umpteenth time that day, she hated it. She swore
that if she ever got married it would have been different; she would never
cause her child to be burden with the pain of divorce. Yet here she was a
failure, she felt like the worst mother in the world.
She crawled in bed moments later, it was not late, or not too late, but she
was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Scooting herself closer to her
son, she wrapped her arms around his small frame, feeling comfort in holding
him; as she drifted off to sleep wishing once again that things had been
different in her life, wishing not for the first time that she and Angel had
never broken up.
She remembered it like it was yesterday. She had gone to see him on
Thanksgiving, six years ago. He turned human, human. They shared an
incredible day together, they shared a bunch of incredible days together, and
it was heaven in Buffy's eyes. Unfortunately, Buffy found out she was
pregnant, scared not sure what Angel would do if he found out, Buffy left
him, she told him she didn't love him, not anymore. Angel didn't believe it,
which wasn't a surprise because Buffy didn't believe it either, but he
respected her wishes, which were to split up. She returned home to Sunnydale
later that day.
During the next three months that she met and fell in love with Kevin and
married him. Now here she was, a little over six years since she had last
seen and broken up with Angel, and she was here, sleeping in one of his
rooms. She wished that things were different, that she had not left Angel all
those years ago. She wondered what her life would be like; she wished she
could have found out. She wished that she had not left Angel, had not married
Kevin.
As she drifted off to sleep a muffled "Done," could be heard through the
silent room.
~:*:~
Buffy woke up the next morning, feeling unusually rested, rolling over she
came in contact with smooth flesh. Startled she pulled back, only then
realizing that she too was naked, and in a bed she didn't recognize. Turning
over she looked for Aidan, who was nowhere in sight.
It was then that the smooth flesh began to move, the flesh became a man, her
man, Angel. Turning to his side, he pulled her closer to him, his arm drawing
lazy circles on the shocked woman's arm.
"Morning." He mumbled tiredly.
"I, uh, good morning." Buffy stuttered, not understanding anything, at all.
As soon as he began to nibble on her shoulder she sat up, pulling the cotton
sheets with her, exposing more of his gorgeous muscled and completely naked
body. Buffy had to close her eyes; otherwise all the questions running
through her would not get answered.
"Where's Aidan? Where's Courtney?" Buffy questioned frantically, if anything
happened to her children, God, she didn't even know what she'd do, she
honestly didn't think she'd be able to handle it.
Pulling his wife down towards him, he continued his sweet torment to his
wife, his arms beginning to roam, "Sleeping. They are both sound asleep." He
answered before pulling her down for a kiss, which became more passionate as
the seconds went on, finally Buffy surrendered, as their tongues dueled
battling for dominance, as the need for air became an issue Buffy pulled
away, completely breathless. "What about Missy?" She asked, suddenly feeling
guilty.
Angel stared at her quizzically, "You mean my new secretary Missy, what about
her?"
"Secretary." Buffy mumbled under her breath, "Not girlfriend."
Angel mockingly checked his wife's forehead, "Nope, no fever. You feeling
okay." He asked, a huge grin spreading over his face.
She stared; she had not seen him this happy since, well since those six years
ago. It was then that something caught her eye; it was a gold claddagh ring,
the same ring Buffy remembered looking at years past, thinking that it would
be the ring she gave Angel one day, one day when they would marry.
"We're married." She concluded out loud.
Angel nodded, truly becoming worried about his wife. "Yes, we've been married
for over six years, are you okay?"
"So no Kevin?" Buffy asked, ignoring her supposedly husband's question.
"Who's Kevin?" Angel growled, pulling her to him possessively. "Please not
another Riley wannabe." He stated, referring to her annoying co-worker who
had a thing for Buffy.
"We're married." She stated again, this time smiling. "We're married and we
have two beautiful children, and I love you." There were hundreds of things
Buffy did not understand, but she didn't care, she was being given her second
chance. She had a second chance at the life she always wanted, and she would
share it and cherish it with the man she loved, and her children. "Kiss me."
And he did, never one to deny his wife anything, he kissed her full on the
lips, pouring all his love into the kiss.
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