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I'm sitting here at this damn hospital and I should be out looking for my son. Lorne wont let me. He says she wont harm him. Ha what a laugh. I saw the look in her eyes. She became the number one enemy tonight. She herself wrote it on the board. She took my child from me. She knocked Wesley out and broke Cordelia's arm. How could she do this?
I remember the pain I went through when she died but nothing, nothing compared to this. She took my angel. I swore to Darla I would protect him. She's going to kill him. Kill him? I never thought of Buffy killing my child?
"I know what you're thinking, and your wrong", Lorne said. He was standing on the opposite side of the room.
I didn't bother to look up or I would have seen the small smile. I just completely ignored him. I was too busy thinking of revenge.
"She's going to kill him", I whispered.
"No I can't believe Buffy would harm an innocent, let alone a baby", Wesley murmured.
"NO, I'm going to find her and I'm going to have kill her", I growled.
At that moment I felt that tingling sensation down my spine and I knew she was near. When she rounded the corner I saw she was carrying Conner, my undead heart started.
Before I could comprehend what happened she turned and left. But Spike on the other hand had a few words to say. I really didn't understand what he was saying. I was confused. I watched him catch up to Buffy and place his arm around her. Good riddance I thought. I heard a coo and I looked down to see my son. Not a scratch on him.
"Did you hear that Angel", whispered Wesley in awe. They took out half the board for us".
I snapped my head up. "What", I whispered?
"Didn't you hear anything that Spike said" Lorne asked? I shook my head and got up and walked away blindly I didn't even bother to wait for Cordy to see if she was ok. I simply placed Conner in his car seat and headed home.
For the next few days Conner and I never left his room.
"Angel" Lorne yelled through the door. "Its time to come out and face the world, besides I think you and I need to talk.
I sighed and placed Conner in his crib. Lorne never yells. I opened the door to let him. "Well its about time Angel Cakes."Well let me get right to the point, im not one for chitchat, I gave Conner to Buffy". I just stared at him. He said it quite bluntly. I could feel my anger starting to rise.
"Excuse me"?
"You heard me the first time. You were too busy believing that the love of your life would kill your child to notice that she hummed a sweet melody from the sound of music. Her favorite if I do recall. I am 16 going on 17. I guess it has some meaning". And Lorne raised his eyebrows.
I thought I was going to be sick. "So what she hummed a song, so what did you see." I was getting quite annoyed and very pissed off. He gave my son to her!
He stared at me for a while "I saw her love for you. I saw her love for your child. It didn't matter if you were a vampire or if your child was a vampire. She was not planning on killing your child. She did however tell you the truth about the Watchers Council, they did contact her. Damn bastards. They were going to take her out if she did not kill your child. However she made the choice without even meeting the baby. I saw that the baby would be safe with her so I handed the vampire the child. She sacrificed her life for you and your child". With that he headed started to head out the door.
I just stood there for a few minutes trying to digest all this information.
Sacrificed her life? What did that mean?
"Lorne wait, what did you mean sacrificed I don't understand", I pleaded.
"I'm sorry Angel that's something you will have to find out on your own".
I tried Sunnydale but I wasn't getting anyone so I gave up. Finally the phone rang and Cordelia picked up the phone "Angels Investigations, we help the helpless," she said while smiling at me and I trying not to smile back. Cordy was pretty but we had always had this brother, sister thing going on but lately we had started having sparks. She was really good with Conner.
"Oh its you" and she slammed the phone down. " Who was that" I asked?
She just frowned "That was Willow". I walked over to the phone and hit *69 and it came up with Buffy's old number. I called the number and Willow answered. "Willow", I asked?
"Yes", It's Angel.
"Oh, hello Angel, what do you want". I frowned.
"Well I was returning your call, and I wanted to apologize for Cordelia", I said. Cordy gave me a nasty look and kicked me in the shin.
"Oh well I just wanted to know how everyone was and how ya know the baby was, that's all basically." She said very nervous.
"Ok we are fine, Willow how is Buffy"? There was a long pause.
"B Buffy is great " she said " I have to go Angel, good bye" and she hung up before I could say anything.
For a long time I just sat on the desk holding the phone what a weird conversation.
I heard Conner crying. I looked to see Cordy picking him up. She's really good with him. Maybe he just needs a mother?
Months went by and my relationship with Cordy started to develop. Just a kiss here and a kiss there. But nothing further but every time I kissed her I couldn't help but think of Buffy. Cordy didn't taste like Buffy did. I always felt guilty every time I was around Cordy. So I decided to head to Sunnydale to well see how Buffy was doing. Maybe but this thing I had with Cordy to rest.
I pulled up to the Summers residence and it felt strange. Actually it was the same feeling I had felt since I had driven into Sunnydale. No tingly sensation. I knocked on the door and Spike answered. He looked at me and grinned "What the hell do you want"?
Well what the hell do I want? What the hell is he doing here? I can feel myself shiver.
" What are you doing here"? I asked
The grin got wider. "I live here you bloody moron". He stepped outside and lit up a cigarette. "So what do you want Angelus"?
I stumbled for the words. " Oh right I bet your looking for Blondie", he sneered?
He blew smoke in my face. I grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him up. My mistake because he hit me in the face. Threw me across the yard. I turn to look at him he still has his cigarette. "As I was saying, I can't help you. Thanks to you she's on the run or officially dead one or the other".
I was confused and I guess my face showed it.
"What like you don't know, she risked her life by killing the head of the Watchers Council for you and your child and she took out half the baddies out there", he sneered. "Personally your not worth shit, basically if you want to find her, you will have to look for where she has always felt safe." he didn't bother to back as he stepped inside.
I walked back to my car and the drive to LA was long. God she must hate me. I thought she was going to kill my child and I wanted to kill her. I wanted her blood. Now I find out she's basically on the run for what she did. She took out Travers. Unbelievable. She did it again for me. And here I am with Cordelia. What the hell am I thinking? I will never find her.
I pull up to the hotel and I run upstairs and see Cordelia holding Conner and I don't even look at her. I grab Conner and I hold her. I feel content and I hope he feels safe.
He feels safe.
That's it!
That's where she went. She went to London to her Father, to Giles.
I place Conner in his crib and ignore Cordy's look of pain and I rush down stairs to the phone book and make reservations for tomorrow's flight to London.
"Your going to London", Cordelia asked coming up to rub my shoulders?
Instead of the tension leaving, I started to feel more coming on.
"Yes I'm going for a few days I'm going to take Conner" I gave her a brilliant smile!
She smiled, I guess she bought it.
Two days later we hoped on a plane I could feel my unbeating heart just pounding. Conner was jumping up and down having a blast with all the people and all the action around us. I have Buffy to thank for him.
We settle in our hotel and I look Giles up easily and we taxi over without calling. I figure that this was for the best that way they couldn't say no.
I'm standing in front of the door and I know she's in there I can feel. Can she feel me?
I knock.
Suddenly the door is swung open and there is my Beloved. I can't help but stare at her. She's beautiful.
"Angel," she whispers. They way she says my name is like a lovers kiss.
She asks me why im here and I show her Conner and I can see the tears in her eyes and Conner actually looks at her like he remembers her and says ma ma I look at him surprised he has never said those words not even to Cordy who takes care of him. Very strange I think. "I'm sorry Buffy". She just shrugs but I see the tears she's holding back.
It's ruined by the others coming up beside her. I can see that its not Giles but Ripper and I get ready for what's coming but instead he invites me in. Maybe things have changed?
Giles leads us into a room, which Conner seems to love because it's full of Artifacts. I think Wesley would go crazy over. "Conner don't touch", I plead softly. He turns to look at me and then he turns to Buffy and she just smiles at him. Conner toddles over to her and I can see Buffy is staring at him almost like memorizing him.
She turns to me and sees me staring at her and I see her blush. I haven't seen that in a long time.
Dawn comes to take Conner out of the room bribing him with candy. Great just what he needs but at this point I don't care I want to talk to Buffy.
I start to talk to her telling her from the beginning to the end.
We are both crying. She's telling me that we cant start over and she says she wishes we could but things are different. She's upset that I thought she could kill a child especially his. That hit me hard. It was in her eyes. The pain. I think maybe she's here because she's hiding from me more than she is anything else.
I stand up without touching her and I grab Conner and I rush out of the room and mumble something about leaving in the next day.
I get on the plane knowing that I will never see her again. Cordy is there to greet us. I but on my best smile and I kiss her the best I can. Conner I whisper, "this is your new ma ma". The little boy looked sad I know kiddo I thought she's not Buffy I tried I really did or did I?
It was like this for Two weeks. Both Conner and I were depressed and we were depressing the people around us. No one wanted to be at the hotel. The only one who was there was Cordy who really didn't care.
"Angel, honestly you're being silly. He's just a baby, you can kiss me in front of him". She squealed playfully. "Angel, Please kiss me".
I groaned trying to get out of it " Yes Cordy". And I grab her for a passionate kiss. I'm trying I think. I'm going to try to make this work. If not for me than for Conner.
"Ma ma ma ma", squealed Conner.
" ahh he said it Angel, he thinks I'm his Mama", Cordy said jumping up and down.
I grinned but then I noticed that Conner had his arms up in the air towards the door. There was Buffy with tears streaming down her face. Cordy stopped Jumping. Buffy took off running.
"Shit" she saw it all. She saw me with Cordy. I jumped over a suitcase. A suitcase? Oh god she was coming home to me! I blew it. Her slayer speed is hard to catch up with.
At that moment I see her fall and I quickly catch up with her and grab her. "Buffy" I groan in her hair. She pushes my chest pretty hard so I'm flying till I hit the wall.
She quickly gets up I stumble to try to catch her. "No you are not going anywhere, why are you here", I demand. She turns around to face me and I can see the misery on written on it. God why do I do this to her.
She turns to face me and yells. "WHY AM I HERE". " I'm here because I wanted to be with you because I love you, but I can see you have other interest in mind, so if you don't mind I have a plane back to London to catch".
"I'm lonely" I tell her. It really wasn't an excuse. She continued to walk away
I couldn't let her leave. Not this time. "Buffy" I whisper. I knew she could hear me.
"Marry me" I meant it I wanted her to be my wife. Hell I didn't care.
She stopped it. I say it again this time louder. "Marry me and make me the happiest man alive or undead make Conner yours." Screw the curse screw everyone we would figure something out. People come back from the dead should be a spell somewhere.
She turned around and I saw a smile. She ran and threw herself at me. She was mine. We stayed like that for a while. I didn't care she was mine.
"Angel", I heard. Oh god oh god oh not happening. How could I forget Cordy? We both turned and there was Cordy standing there with pain in her eyes and hatred for Buffy. She was holding Conner who as soon as saw Buffy started chanting Ma ma ma ma ma. Cordy's hatred for Buffy grew by the minute.
We stood up immediately and looked at each other. Neither one of us felt guilty.
Cordy on the other hand had Murder in her eyes. "What are you doing here Buffy"?
My eyes went to Buffy immediately, she had nothing but love on her face. I went and took Conner from Cordy. I was afraid of what would happen. But Conner was having none of it. He wanted Buffy.
"Hello little one" she whispered. I looked up to see Anger flash on Cordy's face. Cordy took a horrible swing at Buffy, which I stopped.
"How dare you" I roared. Cordy looked at me frightened. "Angel I'm sorry.
"You could have hit Conner", I was yelling and I had vamped out. She looked at Buffy who had crouched over the child to protect him.
Cordy was humiliated "Always protecting the innocent huh Buffy"
"Well I guess I have to if there are people like you out there Cordelia, I had heard you had changed. I'm sorry to say that you are still the same Queen C that I have always known".
With that I watched Buffy take Conner back to the hotel stopping only once to pick her suitcase up.
I pulled myself together before turning back to Cordy.
When I did she had a huge grin on her face. What the hell?
"Oh I know what your thinking, Come off it Angel you never loved me. Don't stay mad at me. See I can act too. I could never have hit Conner or a I would hit Buffy but I learned my lesson last year. It was fun for a while but you can never love me like you love her. I saw the whole thing. You never whispered my name like you did her. Hell she's been gone for a whole year and you just proposed without dumping me. By the way that hurt so im expecting something nice to make up for that.
I couldn't help but grin at that. That's my Cordy. I grabbed her for a hug and grinned.
We walked back to the hotel
"Do you think I'm still Queen C, like she said" she asked. I couldn't resist
"Yup", Smack right in the stomach.
I headed back to the hotel towards my family. Family I thought doesn't that sound nice.
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